Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
