Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
