I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize