There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
It's blow job season.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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