Sober January is a disaster.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
