I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
This gyro tastes like lonliness
should my penis look like a turkey
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
