Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize