i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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