one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
