Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
