So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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