You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
ok first of all what the fuck
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize