I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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