Those balls look pretty dangerous.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
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