Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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