i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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