I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
