does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
