And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
