I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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