Your dad touched me again.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
