I'm really into asian looking animals
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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