At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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