So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
