Do you still have your period?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
