Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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