this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I smell like Dick and happiness
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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