I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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