Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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