It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
