guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
