Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
You dont lie about slip and slides
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
My breasts were aching with rage.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize