This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
