sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
be right there i have to get my cape
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
