I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
