I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I want her autograph on my taint
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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