I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize