And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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