Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
