PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
