why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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