just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
