I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
