I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
So much rum. So many feels.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
