I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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