i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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