OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
