I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize