Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
