to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
