You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
