Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
There r osticjed everywhere
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
