John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
