He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
