SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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