Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
