Dignity is for republicans.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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