the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
