I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
