i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
