I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
