girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
