ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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