just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
