I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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