if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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