Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
