why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
only if we run a train.
done.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize