dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
