My room smells like vodka and shame
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
