Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
