I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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