Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
