You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
