11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
