So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
