My sheets look like a crime scene.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
