i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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