he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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