Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
