Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
