How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
