My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
no you cant smoke seaweed
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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