too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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