Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Randomize