If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
