She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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