my soul wont recognize me after tonight
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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