worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize