she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
