by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
