It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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