her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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