If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
