two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
