She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
he thought i was a dude.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize