Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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