I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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