you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize