You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
