Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
