oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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