DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize