I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Come on in and take your pants off
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
